I Learned to Breathe. Then I Left My Ex.

Many years ago I was in Cogne for the weekend, but I wasn’t well. I wasn’t unwell, but I wasn’t well either. The desire to leave what was working — even working well — but no longer belonged to me was already taking shape: the job, the partner I had at the time, Milan. You know, just a couple of easy little things.

At lunch, my partner, worried, said to me: “I have a dear friend who’s an herbalist. She’s really good. Let’s go see her, maybe she’ll have some advice for you.”

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not exactly someone who is easily convinced or quick to trust. Before I believe something, I need proof. Before I trust someone, that person has to show me they are reliable. And at the time I didn’t believe in the power of herbs, and I certainly didn’t really trust my partner. But we were there, so we might as well…

When we walked in, she smiled at me, warmly. Which, instead of reassuring me, made me want to run away even more. But we were there, so I might as well not resist too much.

She asked me to tell her what was going on, and from there I think I spoke nonstop for about 10 minutes. Ten minutes of rapid-fire monologue is a lot, especially for the person listening. I watched her as I spoke, and she listened. She was listening to me. Truly. Without interrupting. Without showing any sign of wanting to say something. Unbearable, I thought.

When I finished, she simply said: “You need to breathe.”

Only in that moment did I realize I was holding my breath. Not metaphorically: I was literally holding my breath. I took one conscious breath. Just one. And something inside me softened.

Was that really all it took? How was that possible? To find out, I spent entire months training myself to breathe, and the discomfort slowly passed.

Obviously, my partner never had the satisfaction of hearing me say he had been right, partly because learning to breathe led me to understand that I needed to leave him. It doesn’t seem very kind to let him know that the ONLY time he was right in five years of relationship was a revelation that led to our breakup.

But that remains one of the most important lessons of my life.

Today, in my first sessions with clients, one of the first things I observe is exactly this: how they breathe. Because the breath tells a story: hurry, fear, control, exhaustion, the need to hold everything in.

It tells us whether we are in the body or living only in the head. And above all, it tells us something very simple: how much space we are allowing ourselves. Usually, very little…

The Breath Malas

My new Breath Malas were born from the desire to help my wonderful clients integrate more conscious breathing into everyday life. Not as one more task to add to the day — because if we had 30 minutes a day to meditate, maybe we wouldn’t be this stressed, right? — but as something that accompanies you and makes the practice easier to live.

They are small, light, easy to carry with you, and adjustable, so they can be worn on the wrist as a bracelet if desired. They are meant to remind you of one essential thing: breathe!

I designed them for people who, like me, don’t enjoy counting while practicing. Counting immediately takes me into my head and makes me lose the body. I become precise, but less present.

With the Breath Mala, instead, the beads guide you.

You let your fingers slide over the beads. When they change shape or size, you move into the next phase of the breath.

This way you don’t need to keep count, and you can do short cycles every now and then: while waiting for the elevator, standing in line, or listening to someone who has been talking nonstop for 10 minutes…

Discover the collection

Box breathing

Let’s begin with one of my favorites: box breathing, useful for stress, anxiety, and self-regulation.

It is a simple practice, suitable even for beginners. It is called “box” breathing because it has four phases of equal length: inhale, hold, exhale, hold.

In the Breath Mala for box breathing, you will find groups of 4 beads: you can begin by moving through the beads at a comfortable rhythm, then slow the movement down to lengthen the phases of the breath, and finally speed up slightly again toward the end to close the practice.

Before beginning, sit comfortably and keep your back straight. A chair is perfectly fine. You can also practice standing, or lying down. You can close your eyes or keep your gaze soft in front of you.

👉🏻 Begin with a deep exhale, touching the first bead of your mala and letting the air leave the body.

Inhale through the nose, allowing the breath to fill the lungs and gently move down toward the belly. Slide through the first series of 4 beads.

Hold the breath, without stiffening. Slide through the 4 smaller beads.

Exhale again, bringing all your attention to the air leaving the body. Slide through the next 4 beads.

Stay with empty lungs for the last 4 smaller beads.

Continue until the end of your mala, exhale on the final bead and then, if you wish, begin again.

You don’t need to change everything, be perfect, be regular, or become a hippie.

You “just” need to return to the body.

Warmly,
Cristina | La Via del Mala